My family now consists of my husband and I.
I’m Kim and he’s Paolo, you’ll hear from him later. But our family is originally three dogs and we have included two glorious daughters as part of our true family and they have been with us for a year and a half now.
What it meant to us adding two daughters to our family is the incredible realisation of our purpose in being together. We had always known that we had a great deal to offer, there is a huge amount of love between Paolo and I and the opportunity to make that a place where a child or children could really flourish was a glorious thing to do. Although I originally thought about adopting a baby it was Paolo who thought about how children would need a home and that motivated us throughout the whole thing , and I have to say it is the most perfect decision we have made in our whole lives. Paolo would you like to say what it means to you having created a whole family.
Paolo:
Well yes, more than that I think it important to say what it meant to them. They are very happy children, they are smiling, they are happy. We do everything we can to make their life wonderful as much as we can, it is something we just do, we really love them. At the end of the day I believe it is all that is required. The core of the relationship, of course, is love and that is not the only thing that is required but that is all that matters. And for them to be happy is nothing to do with us or what we want, but what your children want. Seeing them happy everyday and becoming happier and happier means the world to me.
Kim:
You said something to somebody the other day that was lovely, you said if we had our own children you would want them to be our daughters.
Paolo:
Absolutely, I know some people have a problem with the blood connection and the fact they have to be your natural children and I’ve never had a problem with that.
I love my wife very much and we are not blood related. I love some of my friends as much as my brother who is blood related to me. There is no difference. It is all in the relationship. These children are my children. There is no mistake, there is no doubt, it is very very clear. I love them. I don’t think I could love my natural children more than I love them.
Kim:
I think that when you go through the process of adoption, there is a big emphasis of what you are taking on. People need to understand there is history. There are issues that these children have gone through. There is a great need to let people know how wonderful it is, but it works. It is a mutual process and they adopt you as much as you adopt them. We still look at them when they are asleep at night and we are just in awe of the gift we have been granted by them and it just feels perfect.
Paolo:
When you have your natural children you expect that they love you. It doesn’t necessarily happen because we know there are difficult relationships between parents and children and brothers and sisters. That is part of human nature. An adopted child, not only they love you like your natural children would, but they also give you this gift, because they embrace you, they trust you and they choose you.
Kim:
The important thing is to have faith in the process.
We adopted a year and a half ago and we are hard pushed to imagine our lives without them. In fact we can’t. There is such a sense of destiny within it. Also trust the social services because whilst you are going the home study and the interviews – don't say what you think will give a good judgement about if you are good enough to adopt or not. They are there to make it work. Feel as free to communicate your fears, concerns, visions and dreams and they’ll see you through the whole process.
Paolo:
Don’t expect an easy ride of course, because anything that is incredibly valuable is also incredibly demanding. There is a huge commitment. You will be constantly inspired. I’m not saying it makes things easier but it is a wonderful process.
There are many preconceptions that I feel are wrong.
Kim:
The real myth is that you have to be a certain way to make it work. There is such a profound worthwhile meaning in the process and there are thousands of children in this country waiting to be adopted and one or more of them out there may be waiting for you as parents. So the real question is not do you want to adopt a child but do you want to be a parent to a child? Do you not want a baby but do you want to give a home or a life to someone who would be perfectly served by having you as a parent.
Paolo:
Adoption works. There are many children out there and something happened to them and you can change this.
You do it for the children.
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